“Poisoned hearts never change.” It was a song lyric that I heard today. It kinda seemed to sum up some of what I have been feeling lately. There have been times of near-depression that I have wanted to feel extremely sorry for myself and think that I am the only one in the world with any problems. Then something a good friend told me stuck- I am only listening to what I am told by myself. (Ok that was either really deep or really stupid=) Put in a simpler way, I was only allowing myself to be down because of two things: First, because I was listening to what I think my wants are, and second and more importantly, I was allowing those wants to be dictated to me by the Big B (Beelzebub, that is). If I focused on what my goal is (i.e. to run the race well ~Phil. 3) then I would realize that all my needs, wants, etc. would be fulfilled all in one place- The Lord’s Presence. Another good friend of mine is always reminding me that if I delight myself in the Lord, then He will grant the desires of my heart. I realized that that doesn’t mean that if I delight myself in Him then I will finally get the new camera, or the girl of my dreams, or even be a better person; instead, when I delight myself in Him, my desires change to reflect that focus. Therefore the desires of my heart become the sole glorification of my God.
I have also been studying a lot in Phil. 3 and God has slowly begun to reveal what it means to really run the race. To be honest, it is bittersweet. With each revelation, there is, it seems, several convictions about things that need to be changed in my heart, mind, soul, or life in general. There is a direct relation between the awareness of how dirty I am, and the light of His revelation to me through His word. More later…