Dailymirror.us

Well, today is the first day of the rest of my life. (or something like that) I have gone to work for a production company called Big Fish Films. I am starting one week of training to be the Production Manager and I am really stoked. This is a total answer to prayer! I have worked freelance for these guys before and thoroughly enjoy them and they do some really cool stuff. For example, you know that freeze frame effect in the matrix? Well, it is called “The Big Freeze” and guess who is in charge of being the production manager for that as well? That’s right! Yours truly. Anyway, just thought I would share with you all this new turn in my life. love ya’ll!

The bottle of the creature cracks and dries up, but the well of the creator never fails. Happy is he who dwells by the well and thus has abundant and constant supplies near at hand.” ~ Spurgeon
I am doing a devotional written by Charles Spurgeon and after only two mornings am blown away by this man’s relationship with the creator. Phil. 3:17 tells us to take note of those who live according to the pattern given us by Christ. Spurgeon is definitely one of those people. Anyway, as I was reading, I realized what an incredible blessing I have as a Christian to be able to dwell by “the well” and yet go any where in the world he wants me to be. My well of true life, the only source of life that matters, goes with me everywhere. I must choose to daily be refilled and to drink the water of life, but He is always there to refill when I ask. As I said yesterday, I have been experiencing some times of silence and yet I remembered that just because he chooses to be quiet so that I might learn something, that doesn’t mean he has left me. In fact he promises to never leave me. Man, I can hardly get my mind around that…

These last several days have been tough, challenging, and yet truly needed. I have realized several things but without a doubt the most important has been the quietness of the Lord in my life. I was having breakfast with a friend and we were trying to remember who in the bible experienced times of silence from God (like Job, Jeremiah, David, Etc.). And in talking with one of my best guy friends, he recommended that I get alone for a while and see what I could be holding on to in my life that I need to let go of. So I went to the lake and spent some time alone with the Lord to hash some of this stuff out. Sure enough, He began to bring stuff to mind and before I knew it I had a whole head full of stuff that I was giving to the lord to clean house. And I am tired of having to go through a cycle on this…so, contrary to what my house mates might say, I have learned that it is easier to keep the house clean than to let it build up. Put another way, I would rather give these things to the Lord on a daily basis then wait for them to build up to the point of overflowing. Just trying…

I actually started an entry yesterday when I was in Auburn but only got a couple of lines in before I was whisked away to evening fun with my bro and sis. But now I am at home and exhausted. This is due in part to the “fun” we had last night and partly to all the driving I have done in the last several days. Fortunately I enjoy driving alot as it gives me time to think about any and everything. Now before you roll your eye and say, “Oh Great, here comes another attempt at the deep stuff”, let me get something off my chest (After all this is my site and if you don’t like it hit Alt f4 =)…I have decided that I will no longer care about coming up with question to some how get the information I seek without coming right out and asking for it. I will no longer care. Obviously this is easier said than done but I am determined. Learning to not care, (in a good way) will probably prove to be my toughest lesson learned yet. But I will pursue it none the less.
Something else I thought of today was how those of you who know me (or at least parts of me) are trying to figure out who I am talking about or referring to in some of these posts. Are they all one person or a different one each time? Is it a girl, a guy, an ex, a sibling, some other family relation, or just hypothetical? Is it any one at all? Well, to be honest with you, A very select few know almost all of me. Most people only know a part of me well. And actually only those whose few will know if and who I am refereeing to. The rest of you I might leave hanging..

Why do you do that? Why do I let you do that? You are hurting but don’t want to let anyone near simply because you are so independent. Then as a defense mechanism you act like you don’t care. I would rather you just tell me you hate me and walk away then to continue this cat and mouse game that I want out of. You are simply too fickle to be any kind of constant support either to yourself or to others. And not only that but you are starting the cycle all over again. But what do I know; I can’t possible be right because I am Bias.

Ok I am going to try to write this out with out sounding to deep…Here goes: I went to the movies last night and saw “Win a date with Tad Hamilton”. The movie I saw isn’t really that important; what happened while I was there is. After about 25 minutes or so, all of a sudden the film broke or melted or something and there was no picture. Everyone kinda did one of those surprised”Ooh!”. Then after about 30 minutes on into the rest of the film, the same thing happened again. Now, beside needing a new projector, I started thinking during the film down time about the weird correlation the experience had to life. I mean, this life is going to seem like an slim piece of plastic (like film) compared to what is awaiting us in heaven. And just like the surprise of the film break, we have no idea when it will all suddenly be all over (For Christians anyway). Worst of all, it seems like the best I can do is sit on my butt and be worried about how much I take in. Instead, I should be out there doingeverything I can to take as many people with me as I can; Not in a simple conversion but in a discipline and mentoring way. This of course means setting an example of striving for Christ-likeness in my own life. A thing I am realizing is much easier said than done..

“Poisoned hearts never change.” It was a song lyric that I heard today. It kinda seemed to sum up some of what I have been feeling lately. There have been times of near-depression that I have wanted to feel extremely sorry for myself and think that I am the only one in the world with any problems. Then something a good friend told me stuck- I am only listening to what I am told by myself. (Ok that was either really deep or really stupid=) Put in a simpler way, I was only allowing myself to be down because of two things: First, because I was listening to what I think my wants are, and second and more importantly, I was allowing those wants to be dictated to me by the Big B (Beelzebub, that is). If I focused on what my goal is (i.e. to run the race well ~Phil. 3) then I would realize that all my needs, wants, etc. would be fulfilled all in one place- The Lord’s Presence. Another good friend of mine is always reminding me that if I delight myself in the Lord, then He will grant the desires of my heart. I realized that that doesn’t mean that if I delight myself in Him then I will finally get the new camera, or the girl of my dreams, or even be a better person; instead, when I delight myself in Him, my desires change to reflect that focus. Therefore the desires of my heart become the sole glorification of my God.
I have also been studying a lot in Phil. 3 and God has slowly begun to reveal what it means to really run the race. To be honest, it is bittersweet. With each revelation, there is, it seems, several convictions about things that need to be changed in my heart, mind, soul, or life in general. There is a direct relation between the awareness of how dirty I am, and the light of His revelation to me through His word. More later…

I am finally getting some of the wrinkles ironed out of this site being put up. I have taken a look at all of the other blogs on the net and I was feeling a little bit intimidated. But what the heck…if I always cared what the other people thought of me I would be screwed! =)

I often have difficult trying to say things in words that I feel I my heart and soul, regardless of how cheesy that sounds. So, maybe that is why I do this web site stuff. In some attempt to get this stuff out that is inside. And rather than put it in a journal, I put it here for you to read. In fact, it isn’t here expressly for you to read but rather for me to simple submit to whoever stops by.