Ode To Hannah and Harley

Ok, this is a little morbid to start off but stick with it because I gurantee you that you have wondered some of these thigns when you look deeply into your dogs eyes and are trying to figure out just what it is that he is thinking….

I am the dog you put to sleep,

as you like to call the needle of oblivion,

come back to tell you this simple thing:

I never liked you–not one bit.

When I licked your face,

I thought of biting off your nose.

When I watched you toweling yourself dry,

I wanted to leap and unman you with a snap.

I resented the way you moved,

your lack of animal grace,

the way you would sit in a chair and eat,

a napkin on your lap, knife in your hand.

I would have run away,

but I was too weak, a trick you taught me

while I was learning to sit and heel,

and–greatest of insults–shake hands without a hand.

I admit the sight of the leash

would excite me

but only because it meant I was about

to smell things you had never touched.

You do not want to believe this,

but I have no reason to lie.

I hated the car, the rubber toys,

disliked your friends and, worse, your relatives.

The jingling of my tags drove me mad.

You always scratched me in the wrong place.

All I ever wanted from you

was food and fresh water in my metal bowls.

While you slept, I watched you breathe

as the moon rose in the sky.

It took all my strength

not to raise my head and howl.

Now I am free of the collar,

the yellow raincoat, monogrammed sweater,

the absurdity of your lawn,

and that is all you need to know about this place

except what you already supposed

and are glad it did not happen sooner–

that everyone here can read and write,

the dogs in poetry, the cats and the others in prose.

~

The Revenant by Billy Collins

Charlie and the finger factory

This made me laugh out loud, even after the 23 time watching it…Natural Born British Filmmakers!!!

Oscar Shortcomings….

This is in honor of the Oscars which are on at the moment….

Cooties…The Epidemic!!

I nearly fell out of my chair…

LA Awards Videos

I have posted a couple of videos from the Volunteer Appreciation program that we (the creative team) did last month. Take a look on my YouTube page (under the “My’s” above). Here is a taste…

I can be straight

Doug is always trying to teach me about “the funny”…for example, i ahve learned that comedy comes in threes and that there is usually a straight man (stoic) in funny comedy duos… I believe that I can be that Man…

O Holy Night

Jarrod showed this to me…I was rolling….with tears. Make sure you listen to it all the way through…

Click Here

for grins…

Things To Do At Wal-Mart While You Wait For Your Family To Shop…
1 Get boxes of condoms & put them in peoples carts when they arent looking
2 Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms
3 Walk up to an employee and announce in an official tone I think we have a code 3 in housewares and see what happens
4 Put some M&Ms on lay away
5 Set up a tent in the camping department tell others youll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding
6 Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose
7 Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible
8 While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are
9 In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels
10 Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper PICK ME! PICK ME!

thanks to laffey for this…it was her away message….

i love my mom

The funniest thing happened tonight…I was trying to teach my mom the shortcut for refreshing a web page (f5) and I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working for her…Then I realized that she was hitting the letter F and the number five together. I laughed my butt off…..